Day 111 – Akita I love you

Blog April 24, 2014

If the definition of journaling is writing down what happens in my

head right here and right now, 











That little foxy face has been haunting me for days. I have been researching

it. Watching the Dog Whisperer with Akita Inu’s in it, watching 3 different

documentary movies about dogs, looking for Akita Inu’s in animal shelters across

The Netherlands, watching movies on how to train dogs. I feel like a creepy

stalker, wanting so bad just to have a pet.

It had been a very hard day fighting not to google Akita Inu, not to watch anything

dog related, and just write my motivation letter which is due today.

And then I decided to run today, and there you go, I saw the small version of

Akita Inu,

Shiba Inu.

Rest. Day-72

Blog March 12, 2014

I fail.
In my Blank Paper Project I did not post things every day as I promised. Since last month it got interrupted.
I fell.

I am not sure how to rectify this. I am not sure how to stand up again from this fall.
But I will try. I might catch up and post two things everyday until I paid my post debt

Or maybe, I might be desperately trying to find any other ways to pay my due. I am not sure.

But its okay. What matters is that I am trying to stand up again.

For tonight, I will just write one simple thing. Only to acknowledging my fall

The moon is dimmed, I will let this tired body rest.
Tomorrow when the sun is rising, and the owl sleeping, I will make a plan.
A plan that will make me stand up and produce things again!

Beatitudes day 26 BlankPaperProject

Blog February 8, 2014

Here is my second Portfolio to apply to art school. 

How to enjoy it: 
1. Click the link
2. wait for 5 sec you will see white screen
3. Click randomly as much as you want. The more the better
4. Enjoy the ride (and you can also add reading this post)


Blessed are you…
…who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
…who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.
…you who weep now, for you will laugh.
…when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because you are the son of man

I really love this piece called “Beatitudes” composed by Vladimir Martynov, and performed by Kronos quartet.
it reflects hope, how hard how bad, how seemingly there is no light at the end of the tunnel , we do have hope, and we are blessed.

and the picture is Vincent van Gogh on self-Portrait with Felt Hat in 1888
this painting was painted in the winter of 1887-1888. By then he was living in Paris for nearly 2 years to study the dotted Pointillist technique. 

If you notice, to finish the picture, you have to click in different places, to make different colours. As my friend Andreas said

“you can’t resolve your issues alone. you need to blend, be open, accept and incorporate with others. One man game doesn’t work, wether you like it or not. we need fresh colours and new strong lines borrowed by others to define ourselves. improve, evolve and redefine”

I am not a van Gogh expert, but in a way, when van Gogh painting this piece, he is exactly being open by learning so he can improve and redefine him self. 

Dear first portfolio Day – 25

Blog February 7, 2014

Dear first portfolio,

I have been with you long enough, but still there is this question about you:
“are you finished or are you not?”

You are my first and my most personal portfolio. I want you to be perfect, because you are me. 

Although I am aware that if I indulge in that feeling on how to get you in a better shape, to get you perfect, you will always be unfinished.

Even Jesus at some point, when he was on the cross, said: “Het is volbracht.” It is complete.
and Muhammad said “ al yaum, akmaltulakum dinukum wa atmamtu alaykum ni’maty…“This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you..”

Hence, I pronounce you complete.

final cut pro>close.

Day 24 – Pretender

Blog February 5, 2014

“Fake it till you make it” they say.

One of my favourite writer A.J Jacobs, said that this “Faking” business is one of the greatest inventions in human history. 

When you want to be nicer, pretend that you are a nice man. 
When the day is not yours and you want to have a little better feeling, pretend you are happy. Smile!

They also said that our body language shapes who we are.
When you are going to have a job interview, go to the toilet first, raise your hand as if you are winning a 10 km marathon.

and when you want to  write and have no idea what to write, as I usually do, 

sit straight, fingers at your keyboard, smile, and pretend you are writing, move your fingers and hit the keyboard, it doesn’t matter if you can read it or not, and a couple of minutes later, the words will start to form up, and writing you are.

Loosing friend -day 22

Blog February 4, 2014

It is sad to lose a friend.
it feel as if the world is a little smaller, as if the world is a little grimmer,
but I guess loosing (a) friend(s) also proofs of maturity.

When we just finally realise that we are unable to please everybody every time;
when we finally get to be who we are and so do our friends get to be who they are and we both found out that we are on completely different side of the roads. You know, different principles, different in how we see the world.

There may be other reasons to lose a friend. When we made mistakes so grave that our friends can not forgive us. Too bad, all of us are bound to make mistakes, and may be mistake number 1002 figuratively make our friends click the “unfriend” button.

If the friendship is broken, I would not lie that it’s sad and painful. But then again, it gives us an opportunity to learn (or at least to attempt to learn) on how to mend things,  to admit our mistakes, and even to apologise. 

For some, it’s not easy to do the whole process of apologising. Saying “I am sorry”, and then acknowledging by saying “I have made a mistake” and at last “I will not do it again” is hard.

Though sometimes it is way harder to apologise to our self for making mistakes, for loosing friends, and making a mess.

It’s okay to ask for help – Day – 21

Blog February 4, 2014

Helping people is brave and noble.

On the other hand, asking for help is not for the weak either.
You need courage and brevity to ask for help, 
you need extra balls to be able to receive help

It is not an easy feeling. To acknowledge that there are points in our life in which we are just hopeless, powerless and need that little extra pull, need that extra smile, need that extra encouragement, need that extra pat on our back, need that extra perspective, need that extra hug. 
Too bad, sometimes we don’t want to receive that help because it would mean that we are acknowledging our weakness in our life.

It’s okay to get help. 
Like Jesus got help from Simon of Cyrene to carry the cross on his walk toward his crucifixion, 
Like Muhammad got helped by Ali bin Abi Thalib.  Ali was pretending to be Muhammad in his bed when Muhammad started out on the Hijra from Macca to Medina while the Quraish surrounded his house to attack him before moving.

It’s okay to ask and get help.

Day 23

Blog January 23, 2014

What a different feeling this brewed ground beans make us every morning made. May ancient Ethiopian who started to realise its effect, Sufi of Yemen who started a culture to drink it, Arabs who starting to brew it and Starbucks who mix it with various ingredients and sell it madly get its place in human history.

The difference between what we do and who we are Day-19

Blog January 20, 2014

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.” John Keating- Dead Poet Society 

A friend of mine just told me earlier today that she is in love. 
She  told me how crazy she is about this boy, the fact that he is smart, nerdy, sweet, nice, awkward, sensitive, humanitarian defender (both of them working in UNHCR) make her sure that this guy is her dream boy. 

Sometime I forget, that human rights and humanitarian defenders also fill their head with love, jealousy and romance. I also heard from some of human rights lawyers about their love stories. Surprisingly, those stories are closer to “Sex and the City” rather than “Boston Legal”. They are spicy and hot. I wonder may be even 27 years old as Austrian Foreign Minister Sebastian Kurz has no different compared to these human rights lawyers and defender.

I guess what Keating said is right

"medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”

Ithaca by Konstantínos Kaváfis Day- 20

Blog January 20, 2014

As you set out for Ithaca

Hope your road is a long one
full of adventure, full of discovery

Laestrygonians, Cyclops, angry Poseidon — don’t be afraid of that.
You’ll never find things like that on your way as long as you keep your thoughts rise high
As long as rare excitement stirs your spirit and your body

Laestrygonians, Cyclops, wild Poseidon you won’t encounter them
Unless you bring them along inside your soul
Unless your soul sets them up in front of you

Hope your road is a long one
May there be many summer morning when with what pleasure what joy
You enter harbours you’re seeing for the first time

May you stop at Phoenician trading stations to buy fine things
Mother of pearl, coral, amber and ebony
Sensual Parfume of every kind

as many sensual perfume as you can
and when you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from their scholars

keep Ithaca always in your mind
arriving there is what you are destined for
but don’t hurry the journey at all, better if it lasts for years

so you are olds by the time you reach the island
wealthy with all you’ve gain on the way, not expecting Ithaca to make you rich

Ithaca gave you the marvellous journey
without her you would’t have set out
she has nothing left to give you now
and if you find her poor,

Ithaca won’t to fool you
wise as you will have become, so full of experience
you will have understood by then,
what this Ithaca means